I’m planning on also writing a 3rd trimester recap and my thoughts on Bruno’s first month of life so I won’t include info on that here. If I had to give my birth experience a reddit title it would be “Positive Induction Experience at 40+5, FTM”.
Birth is one of those unique experiences that everyone who is present and part of the “labor group” that is in the room with you is kinda bonded forever over the shared unique experience. The only thing that it kinda reminds me of is running a marathon. Similar aspects:
- You can die in both events
- A sip of water or snack can give you a much needed boost
- You can do a lot to train or you can do nothing
- A lot of it is mental
- People who’ve done it love to talk about it
- People cheering really helps give you a boost
The week leading up I pretty much didn’t feel like doing anything besides stalk all of the pregnancy Reddit threads. I worked up until lunchtime on Thursday (the day before the scheduled induction) this might be a good time to mention that all medical things really gross me out, I close my eyes whenever Covid vaccines are shown on TV and the whole pregnancy I was super nervous about labor that I kinda avoided thinking about it. I read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth (avoided reading the parts about epidurals and anything negative about stuff I maybe would have), I think this book is what made me think I def did not want to have my water broken though. I don’t really remember what was going through my mind the night before, Brendan and I both went to bed early around 9 and I slept super well. I woke up at 4 the next morning and had peanut butter toast for breakfast, knowing it might be the last time I would eat a meal. We were scheduled to be at the hospital by 5AM, I called beforehand to make sure there were still rooms available.
We got to the hospital a minute or so after 5, it felt and I think actually was pretty empty on the labor and delivery floor. Our 1st nurse was super nice and kinda funny/sarcastic. I changed into a hospital gown and kept my sports bra on because it was more comfortable, I don’t remember if I wasn’t thinking of logistics of not being able to take it off or if I thought there would be time before I delivered to take it off. Hope Bruno isn’t reading this but the whole time I def was just worried about making it through the next “thing” and not excited about meeting a baby that day it still didn’t really feel real or something that I was allowed to be excited about because I knew we had to get through lots of other stuff first (induction methods, cervical checks, an epidural, contractions, who knows what else). I think they put an IV thing in me next, I turned the other way and had Brendan hold my hand on the side I was facing and I told them I was a total baby for all things like this.
this is me VERY pregnant in the delivery room
Then the nurse came in to see how dilated I was because that would determine how they would proceed. Judging from the way the check felt I wasn’t too optimistic, I’m assuming I wasn’t more than 2.5 cm (which I was at since they started doing cervical checks at 37 weeks) but she was nice and was just like “you’re gonna need Cervidil”. If I was, I think it was 4cm or more I could’ve started with Pitocin. Getting the Cervidil placed felt the same as a cervical check, it stuck to the nurse’s glove or something at first though so I needed to sit through that twice. Before each thing I would ask the nurse or whoever what will this feel like and would this hurt worse than “X”, and each time they were SOO nice and helpful explaining everything. After that we were supposed to just let the Cervidil do its thing, shortly after my mom showed up YAY.
The nurses and my Dr. I’m pretty sure was there too, came in to check to see how I was progressing at 9 AM and I don’t remember the #s but whatever it was it was enough to make them think I didn’t need Pitocin. My Dr. was at the hospital at that time and said she would like to break my water and I kinda freaked out because somewhere I read something about that that like worried me but she reassured me it would be fine etc. I had my glasses off intentionally the whole hospital stay and I made sure not to look at whatever she used to break my water. Brendan went to the bathroom right before this but thankfully my mom was there and she held my hand for it so I was okay. I was surprised at how big the gush was and how it just like continuously happens the whole time with the whole water thing it felt pretty gross and warm and I’m sure my mom and Bren appreciated me announcing each time I like felt the water lol.
A little after 11:30am I got the epidural. The nurse came in before and said the anesthesiologist had an operation at 12:30 or something like that so if I waited longer to get the epidural I would have to wait until he was done with that and I really didn’t want to be like “trapped” in pain waiting for him lol and I felt like I had done enough riding the contractions so it made my decision on when to get it easier. I don’t remember when exactly I felt the first contraction but when it said I had one on the monitor I was like oh I think I have felt one of these before during pregnancy. Contractions do feel like super intense period cramps, I didn’t labor with them too long but it felt like "enough" to me to check the self created box I had for that like, yep I can say I experienced that now. I couldn’t imagine them getting like way stronger than the ones I had up until push time, so def glad I decided to get an epidural. I was on the yoga ball for most of the time until it was time for the epidural and moving around hooked up to all the stuff was kinda annoying to me. I wanted to bite something and pull on a rope, I don’t think I hurt Brendan and there wasn’t a rope in this labor room. I could see why laboring in a tub would be comfortable. The thing with contractions are you do know you’ll get a break when each one ends, it is like that Kimmy Schmidt thing where you can withstand just about anything for 10 seconds (longer in this case but you get it). I still without question knew I wanted an epidural.
Okay so it is a little after 11:30 am and I think I’m 4cm dilated and the guy comes in to do the epidural, I forget if he and the nurses explained it but whoever did, did an awesome job. I didn’t know that you have to be totally still during one part so I prayed that I wouldn’t have a contraction during that part and yay I didn’t. The scariest part was the staying still the pain wasn’t that bad. It felt kinda like getting a tattoo. Brendan being there with me for everything was immensely helpful.
After I got the epidural I don’t remember it feeling weird, it was hard to move my legs but I still could. I also could tell when I got a contraction but I wouldn’t describe anything I felt from then on as painful like I wouldn’t say “ow” to anything after that which was an ideal experience IMO. I didn't take a nap but I tried to rest but I think Brendan maybe dozed off. I don't remember what I was thinking about, I didn't watch TV but it was maybe on and I just checked my phone a few times. I don’t think I would’ve minded not being able to feel my legs at all but my mom kept saying how she thought they did a really good job with the ep because of that. I used a peanut ball occasionally and I brought blue Gatorade but it I guess it wasn't considered clear so I couldn't have any but I did have cranberry juice (like right before pushing) and an Italian ice, both REALLY helped and were nice treats. Whenever the nurses checked on my progress they were happy and I forget when the decision was made but they said I wouldn't need Pitocin because I was just moving along fine after my water was broken. The epidural didn't seem to slow down anything at all. Around 1:30pm I was 6cm dilated then by 2:40pm I was 9.5cm dilated which was surprising/cool how stuff can just progress that much and with the epidural it doesn't even hurt!
I stayed at 9.5 for kinda a while, like the next time the nurse checked me I think I was still there but then the next time which was probably a little before 5pm she said I was ready to push (which at the time I was kinda nervous for because I was thinking how can you have an entire baby and it not really hurt but was assured it would just feel like pressure probably). At first I pushed just maybe not holding onto anything which seems super weird, and then the nurses had me hold onto the handle bar things on the side of the bed, and then the last way was holding onto a towel that the nurse held the other side of like tug of war. I pushed for around an hour I think. Bren kept saying after how I didn't talk at all, I think I just didn't wanna waste my energy and wanted to have the baby. Having my mom and Brendan cheering on either side was absolutely what I needed right then and really helped me keep going. The 2 nurses were amazing and all their cheering really helped too. Someone in there saying the wrong thing woulda been extremely detrimental to me during this time. The only thing it reminded me of was wall sits or something similar to that in a sports practice LOL. Idk why but before I didn't anticipate like a workout portion (probs because I kinda avoided thinking too much about labor), the time for a quick break after each contraction/ push really helps you gear up for the next one. At some point the nurse mentioned me needing to put on an oxygen mask because of the baby's heart rate and idk why I wasn't thinking like "the baby needs you to do this" but I was like I won't be able to do this with a mask on I'm like claustrophobic and she didn't make me but I did try putting the mask on and after a second of like AHH it was fine and didn't bother me much and it did help the baby's heart rate or whatever they were worried about. During the pushing I remember asking all of the "physically strong" Saints I could think of to intercede along with everyone in the room's patron Saints repeatedly.
At some point they got the doctor. I think this was after they had already said something about seeing the baby's head and hair color which was really encouraging because besides the positive cheers it was hard to tell how much progress or close you were getting, like you really couldn't but when they saw the head it was like omg this is getting close/real. Now idk how long it was really scary because remember I didn't have glasses on and I actually am pretty sure my eyes were mostly closed besides a few times I would look at my mom or Brendan but I guess the baby's cord was wrapped around his neck and the Dr. had to do some smooth maneuver to get his shoulder out. My mom was crying which I knew but I thought it was because like "omg this is so beautiful witnessing a birth and not omg this is super scary he might die". Brendan also said afterwards how scary it was, so I'm SOOO glad I was unaware because I could've freaked out and my pushing coulda been impacted. When I was actually pushing him out I could feel that unlike the other pushes when it didn't feel like I was pushing anything but again, nothing painful! Bruno was born at 6:18pm (ha my mom was mad I left my sports bra on but the nurse skillfully lifted it over the IV somehow and said she had the same kind/ really liked it lol so we could do skin to skin). He was 8lbs. 10 oz. and 21 inches long. This was also a shocker, I expected a 6 or 7 lb. baby but not having any indication before worked in my favor because that woulda just been another thing that worried me! Also shocker, he was conventionally pretty cute, I was expecting him to look like a baby picture I had just seen of Brendan as a newborn. I had to ask Brendan after to check but we didn't attempt nursing until the 2nd room where you sleep and stuff. I kept saying "hi baby" and double checking with the Dr. that he was okay because I was in disbelief that we made it. I obvi cried while holding him, even the nurses were crying after he was born.
baby B with the eye medicine stuff on
Brendan holding him for possibly the 1st time
I consider my mom and Brendan essential to this whole thing and feel grateful in a way I am having difficulty to describe. The (labor/delivery) nurses were also amazing.
In typical me fashion this is really long and ridden with typos and run on sentences but glad I have it for the mems!
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